WHY ARE YOU ALL STARING AT ME.

I am a lazy butt. I got a B on my econ test by his weird grading scale. It would have been a HORRIBLE grade on a normal scale, so I am depressed about it. I guess his grade is all that matters, though. Maybe I'll do better on the next one. I think I did okay on the Russian test. Now I am being really unmotivated to study for psych. Those Other Three Girls have ALL come by to ask what he said during the review. I should have lied and told them I didn't go either. I hope they don't want to study together. Perhaps I shall pretend not to be home.

snort. like they'd believe I would ever go anywhere.

I was going to mention the fat fairy to my dad, but I remembered about last time I joked about hearing the voices. Apparently he didn't think I was kidding.

Mother says it's mean to tease him.

I just need to buy a really big mallet.

One slightly annoying side effect of doing Java through the telnet is that I try to use ctrl-K all the time for kill-text and then get all disoriented when it doesn't work in Windows.

Now Punkin and I are discussing cute boys. well, actually she said that whatsie saw me this morning and that we should say hi to each other, and I told her I have no idea what he looks like (and prly won't be able to pick him out of a row of boys until I've known him for a year. I have no memory for faces), and she said "cuuute." I never register "cute." I think Paul McCartney and Guillaume the French tour guide are the only men I've ever had impure thoughts about on sight. People annoy me. Cute people still annoy me. Cute people annoy me MORE if they are cuter than me.

this is stupid.

Why do I have to be anything when I grow up. Why can't it be the seventies, and I could be a secretary and live with my mother until I marry money. At this point, I feel like I am only a pookie major because other people will only love me if I am Hacker Barbie, and because I'm going to graduate in May and can't change now. I don't feel like I'm ready to try to find a job doing this. I hate all my classes, which leads me to think I'm not going to be happy if I have to do this forever. But then I think that maybe it's just that they're not offering me the right classes, and I have inept teachers for the ones I do get. I have never had any identity outside "the weird girl who's really smart," and now that I'm no longer getting straight A's, I have no identity at all. Especially because I don't have any friends that I really relate to anymore. I nod and smile a lot and play with them because I have to, but I don't understand, and they don't understand, and I am too ass lazy to expend the effort to try any harder than I am, so I should shut up now, shouldn't I.

oh god. That boy has put me on his friends list, which reminds me that he is aware that this exists, but I am also too ass lazy to paint happy smiley faces all over everything all the time, so I'm just going to let vicious bile spew forth from my fingers if it wants to.

which reminds me that it will be time to go fetch dinner soon.

I really hate when I mail my mother on Thursday, and she doesn't answer until Monday, and then she mentions not hearing from me all weekend. I can only have so many one-sided conversations.

I sent her links to the leopard pictures. She asked why I never smile. I really wanted to say...well, fuck. I typed what I really wanted to say, but then I read it and thought, You know, with my luck, someone would see that who wasn't supposed to, and then I'd be in for it. Why, why, why was I not intelligent enough to pick some totally random username for this, so no one would know it was mine.

I should have been a theater major.