watashi wa aisareteru sore wa watashi ga kawaii kara

I am a turnip girl. Apparently I can no longer survive on less than seven hours of sleep EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, because we had to get up at 7:30 this morning so Biskit could leave by ten, and I am soooo bleah. I forced myself to read my Russian assignment for tomorrow, my psych for Tuesday, the econ chapter o' the week, and do the econ problem set due Wednesday, so now I can be a munchkin girl the rest of the evening.

JEWEL LIPS LIPSMACKERS ARE GOD. I got some for the dork boy because he said he needed lip balm, and I'm a bitch, and then I wanted to taste the blue one and opened it up. IT IS SOOOO GLITTERY. The Cosmic Lips ones that claim to be glitter are not really, so I didn't expect these to be. SO I am keeping them and got him some other ones. They don't appreciate glitter.

and the strawberry one is yum for me.

WHEEE My daddy let me order my new 15.3 GB hard drive on his MasterCard. YAY FOR ONLINE SHOPPING. heh. I am going to let that boy install it for me when he comes. I putzed around unsuccessfully with the secondary anti-drive myself, but I don't trust me not to totally destroy pookie's MAIN brain. Now I will have room for Oracle and my ten million other toys and mp3s and things. heeee. pookie toys are good. After I get this thing a decent sound card, that's all the upgrading I can really do without a new motherboard, which is $$$$, so I will prly just deal with it until I can afford pookie II when I'm 37.

It is sooo pretty out that I opened my window and put the air conditioner on the fan setting. I guess it means fan. I don't have to pay the utility bills anyway, so I'm not going to worry about it.

The world is going to be sucky koi vomit until October 6 now, because my midterms will start up, and I need to study EVERYTHING like hell. sucks to be us.

I have half a small mushroom pizza and half an order of cheese bread for my supper in a couple hours. whee. it was hard won. We had to chase the Domino's car because the delivery man was stupid and couldn't figure out how to get to the dorm, and I was wearing my little black pleated skirt and holding it down in back while we ran, and the scary boys playing football in the yard were immensely amused by all this.

there were EIGHT HOT AIR BALLOONS in the sky last night, at least that you could see from the mall parking lot. it was kind of scary. They're so pretty, but they remind me of the hideous creatures with HUGE heads and TINY bodies that we used to draw in our notes in high school, and I do my weird little which alternate reality is this again? thing and have to lie down for a while.

DAMMIT this tape player fast forwards soooo slow. Pookie is being a not-burpy mp3 machine today, and I want to hurry and re-record this song on my latest mix tape before it starts being a shit again.

YAY food time soon. I am going to be sooo fat though, we went downtown to the St Louis Bread Company for breakfast, and I had two muffins and this SOUP BOWL of cafe mocha. I need to do that more OFTEN. heh

Sweet chocolate soul music CATCHY TWIGGY TIME.

tokyo's coolest sound

Life is so weird. I was digging through people's Friends pages and stumbled across a journal by someone I used to know. heh. It made me feel a whole lot better about my own life. That is prly mean, but then that one is a big block of festering bug guts. I am here, I am not in Maryville, and I am FREE. Except for all the gossip that trickles down. lord lord. People need SO much therapy. Even if I end up being a waitress and prostitute in Chicago, I am still better off than some of them. I may hate my major, but I wouldn't want to be anything but a geek girl. A geek girl who can spell and use proper grammar (when she cares enough).

HEE I forgot to say before that, when we were at Penney's in the mall last night, one of the salesladies TOLD ME I LOOKED LIKE SAILORMOON. That justified my entire EXISTENCE.

I still think my dad should have bought me a nice new pookie instead of buying my mom a $1500 diamond ring. She doesn't like him anyway. I'm the one who will end up wiping up his drool when he's old. older. older and crankier. sigh. will not be bitter. will not be bitter. They cannot get to me unless I need them...fuck. That was supposed to be, Unless I let them.

I should take him up on the counseling, though, and spare all my friends. heh. Spare that poor boy the worst part of my rages. If anyone really knew me, they would just die.

that man married to my mother is going to photocopy a Newsweek article on pookie major internships. Why does he hate me? It's DAMN NEAR TOO LATE FOR THAT if I'm graduating in May. But he won't let it go...It would be useful, yes, and I need the experience. BUT(butbut), he wants me to commute to Jefferson City for one, and that is thirty miles from here. I hate to drive, the Bitchmobile would be upset, and I do not really have time for that, do I? I have no idea what he wants from me. So maybe I'm antisocial and ineffective. I don't drink, I don't smoke anything, I am technically not sleeping with my boyfriend, even though we can mostly chalk that up to distance and neuroses, I majored in what he picked out for me, my GPA is decent if not really spectacular, I have no criminal record, I e-mail him at least every other day with the mundane details of my life. What else can a father expect?

sigh. I don't care. I don't. don't don't don't. I need to make time to go to the career center and let them help my poor sad resume. I just get depressed and angry at myself for not being more ambitious whenever I look at it.

I want to run away. I want to live on a mountain, far, far, far away from everyone.

wait. didn't this start off perkier?

We can conquer all this world. They only win if I can't get over it. And, with enough glitter, I will.