diary of a mad housesplut

I am sitting here listening to Bangles and thinking about my lunch instead of reading the heavy database management text like I would be doing if I were a good girl. I am very very tired but somewhat encouraged about life, as our scary Java instructor told us we CAN telnet in...Please God let the Java compiler work that way. I think it should, since we were doing it from the Unix shell in class, but I am going to be VERY SAD if I have to go down there and beat on the SGI pookies for every assignment. They run Irix, which I find morally and aesthetically pleasing (honestly it's a kind of religious experience. THAT is a pookie. Not this Windows thing going on here), but I have a feeling that my well-meaning ignorant exuberance would have them all down in ten minutes.....

AAH I just tried, and it worked. JOY JOY JOY JOY. of course I have JDK 1.2 on this pookie, but they want the things to run on those poor lab pookies, and I must be sure. I am worshipfully adoring the text's CD, because it gives me compilers for LOTS of languages and Linux binaries and toys and yay.

uh. maybe I should shut up and eat something?

Kaze mo sora mo kitto

NOW I am doing my damn DBMS homework like a good girl. I got the chapter read during my interminable wait for a nurse, doctor, or vet at student health. Daddydear was throwing progressively louder fits about the Disappearing Contact, so I went to shut him up. The lady proclaimed it Not There but found a nice scratch on my eye that I must have given myself digging to find the nonexistent lens. So she gave me a bottle of antibiotic drops, told me not to wear my contact for a week, and made me a follow-up appointment for next Tuesday. I'm going to be a sad, blind girl until then, because I am NOT wearing my glasses when it's ten thousand freakin degrees outside.

entity relationship diagrams make me sad.

la la la. Part of my problem is that I have a manic-depressive mother and the kind of father who tells the depressed mother to go clean the bathroom and she'll feel better. This means that I am genetically prone to be depressed all the time and feel guilty about it, which makes me more depressed, which makes me feel more guilty...and so on to infinity.

What only love can do to me (as long as we're quoting cheese anime lyrics)...I suppose it's normal, isn't it, for the passionate obsession to slow down a little after two years, especially when you're kept several hundred miles apart? I think it's only hibernating though. It's not that I don't want him, it's that relationships are stupid and complicated, and my life is stupid and complicated enough, so I don't want ANYONE at the moment. also I have mother issues that leave me cruelly objective about these things, and I need to digest that for a while...bleah. DAMN HER LIKE I DIDN'T ALREADY NEED TEN YEARS OF THERAPY never mind. anyway. When I have time for things outside my own tiny thoughts, I can be mother-mistress-and-maid again. I wouldn't mind to recapture that, though, because it was bittersweet, hopeful pain, as opposed to this kind of kamikaze-graduate-and-die outlook.

I think I will go watch lots and lots of nice Sailormoon now. Shinjite iru no.